Life was going quite smoothly, like I have said previously it was a case of peaks and troughs. I hated the peaks but then the troughs would lead up to a major meltdown. On the whole I had been coasting along and trying to ignore it.
I had called for a cuppa at my youngest sister's house one afternoon, she had her own 3 children there plus a couple of their friends were in the room too. She turned and asked how I was and Rach, and mentioned Rach had called and told her. This was so personal I was mortified she had come out with it in front of the children. I told her I couldn't talk about it, I walked into the kitchen in tears she followed me. I did explain I was upset that neither of my sisters had contacted me. They had discussed it but didn't know how to approach me as I had been quite off hand when Rach had disclosed she was gay a few years previous. I did explain that I did need to talk about it as it was going to effect the whole family. My sis said she would speak to my other sis and explain how I was feeling. Again I waited for a call, it didn't happen.
We had a discussion regarding the name situ and as I was not of any help Rach had asked her brother. Rach had chosen Zak but was unsure which way to spell it, Matt suggested Zach as it was close to Rach and it would make me happier, but then as I was not interested at that time she decided on Zakery!
Again Rach asked me if I was going to be ok attending the appointment. It had been a month since the last one, plenty of time to programme myself to the fact she would be Zak and a he during the session.
Off we went, Zak was called in and I followed in behind feeling much stronger than last time.
The session went more in my favour. The Dr asked how I had been. He then turned to Rach and told her quite firmly not to rush me as she had jumped a few hurdles and I was still exhausted from the 1st. That sentence totally summed up where I was at compared to Rach.
Rach was so happy with everything she was doing and I couldn't share in this happiness with her...I had lots of hurdles to jump before I caught up!!
The outcome of the session was well in Rach's favour. Dr Makala had no doubt that Rach had Gender Dysphoria and would refer her on the route for the transition and would contact her GP so he could prescribe hormones, she had to have a blood test prior and then wham bam Rach would be pumped with Testosterone. It was also suggested that top surgery may possibly take place before she started Uni in the September.
Oh my god, I had lost Rach. It was happening so quickly
Why was I finding it so difficult when it was clearly the right thing? She had been mistaken for a male on a number of occasions when we had been together and gradually over the last couple of years her clothing had been replaced by Top Man brands.
I was still having the counselling sessions but was not feeling positive about them at all, it was good to chat to a neutral person but didn't feel like I was getting anywhere.
Rach was now dismissed from Dr Makala as our GP was now going to take control.
There was only one thing to do now. I had to talk to the rest of my immediate family. When we arrived home from the appointment Rach said she was going to visit my brother and tell him. My brother can be very 'old fashioned' and she didn't want him to upset me. It went exceptionally well, he was fine and told her to do what she felt was right, he told his wife who then later contacted Rach via facebook and offered her support and love.
Up to this day he has never talked to me about it!
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