The next few months passed by. Nothing happened. No hormones, no operation.
I was quite happy for this lull, I sound selfish but the next steps were going to be horrendous for me, to face my daughter each day as she slowly changed before my very eyes.
Letters had started to drop through the letterbox addressed to Zak, I found that hard to cope with.
I had a phone call one day asking to speak to Zak, I explained he wasn't in could they call back. I had actually used the pro noun that Rach was so desperate to hear. It felt weird, I felt like I had gained another child.
I discovered she had started to bind herself, I hadn't realised how painful that was and you can actually break your ribs. I got very upset as I saw her taking the strongest painkillers the doctor would prescribe, her back would spasm and she was covering herself in deep heat creams to ease the pain.
She had begun a part time job, her first job as a male, only problem she was expected to do heavier work, if a female was unable to do something they called for her help, she put all her adrenalin into it and if she failed she was able to laugh it off. She had to make jokes about her voice, she certainly passed for a male but then people were unsure when she spoke.
I feared for her health as she was now binding for up to 15 hours each day, they recommend 6 hours. I could not cope with this, I broke down to my friends one evening, something had to happen, and quick.
All the paperwork was done, but nobody would prescribe the hormones, it was one excuse after another, either a funding issue or nobody knew what hormone or dosage to give.
The next couple of months were a constant battle, luckily she had the help and expert advice off Andy, he was the network coordinator for the LGBT.
Uni had started, I was still unable to call her by her chosen male name.
Because it had gone quiet to a point, nobody spoke about it anymore Did everybody think that it was no longer happening?
I woke up every morning and it was the first thing on my mind, not one day had gone by since last November without it been in my head, I was still struggling emotionally.
I felt like I had lost my support network, I was becoming quite weepy and felt so alone.
Initially everybody had either rang me, text me or left private messages on Facebook. The same for Rach all of my family had contacted her and most had kept up with her blog.
One evening as we sat and had our evening meal our little chat got heated and Rach didn't speak to me for a couple of days. It was because she hated been referred to as Rach and he, also how could she bring any Uni friends back who knew her as Zak and had no idea she was a female.
I was beginning to wish that it was now one year on and it had all happened, I wanted to wake up and she was a male and I was calling her Zak.
Rach had been so sensitive around me, telling her close friends not to call her Zak in front of me, also her girlfriend who had only known her as Zak was brilliant.
What a selfish mum I saw.
It was good to see her at ease in a relationship and they were a boyfriend girlfriend couple, it was no problem to me that they hugged and acted like a normal straight couple in public.
At least the anxiety issue was under control they became less, Rach was on the way to becoming a healthy, happy child.
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