A couple of days after the last appointment I had called in on my youngest sister after work, something I did do when I had chance.
My sister had her own fair share of domestic problems and I had been there to listen to her, she was having a major marital problem and I was the expert there! It felt quite good to be in the driving seat again helping somebody with their problem.
I was also calling to share my problem and to tell her how the appointment had gone.
Our conversation had been all about her problem, she had to off load but for nearly an hour we had discussed the things that were going on in her life. I had to leave as time was getting on and as I was about to walk through the door she then asked how things were. I immediately broke down and roughly told her about Monday's appointment, I also said I had to tell everybody as it was happening.
I had a phone call later that evening from my younger sis, she had contacted the other sis who had not spoke to me, apparently I should expect a phone call. No phone call.
Rach had mentioned a blog she had began to keep. A couple of days later I received a text off her with the link and asking me not to use it against her. I would read it when I was alone.
The blog was the best thing I could have read, I read it through tears experiencing many emotions and feeling so guilty, how had I missed this problem, I was so close to both my children how had she hidden it from me, God I felt so crap, what sort of mother was I?
When she came in that evening I called to her, I gave her a big hug, told her I loved her and was so sorry.
I decided then that my counselling was no longer required, I was due my 6th session that weekend and would explain to my counsellor about the blog and how it's helped me with the understanding of it all. My counsellor was not keen to end my sessions but I had made up my mind.
It was now the weekend, we had met up as usual had the usual chit chat, I didn't expect anything to be said as my aunty was with us.
I then decided I had to approach my sis, so after tea off I went.
I told her everything, she explained how she had felt awkward discussing it but otherwise everything went quite well. We were both upset but I explained as much as I could about what I had learnt. I told her about the blog and offered the link, ha ha she doesn't use computers, at least my nephew could show it to her. I felt very protective towards Rach and explained it was the right thing. My sister was very supportive towards me and did say she didn't know how I was coping and she was glad it wasn't her.
During the Easter holidays I made a lunch date with my eldest sister, she doesn't live local, works shifts and lots of weekends so we don't get the chance to meet up often. My sis had not got a clue what had been going on.
I went over and was met with her daughter, partner and youngest child they were coming for lunch too, normally that would have been brilliant as I miss not seen my niece and children as much as I would like, how was I going to tell her now? We had a lovely lunch and a great catch up. Would I have chance to get my sis on her own to break the news? We went back to my sisters and the rest of the family didn't come in. I had a cuppa and then told her I had something I needed to tell her. Again she was so understanding, not shocked as she always thought Rach a tomboy but never thought she would take this route, also a few weeks before my great nephews had seen Rach and the youngest had asked his nan, why does Rach look like a boy? Many tears were shed and I felt much better even though nobody had any answers for me, I had to work through this. Again I shared the link to the blog at least this sis was computer literate!
My brother had still not talked to me about it.
I was still on my Easter break so decided to call in on my aunty. We are all close to my aunty as she is all we have left now, she is my Mums sister and 79.
I didn't know how to go about this my aunt is young at heart but I also didn't want to upset her. I had thought about leaving it but as she sees Rach at least once a month she would not miss that Rach was dressing in men's brand clothes, men's boxers would be on the washing line, she had her hair cut much shorter like a man and had now stopped shaving her legs and pits, Rach did live in shorts around the house and my aunty is very astute.
Once again it went as well as could be expected, my aunty just confirming about Rach been dead sure, did she know what she was doing, again a few tears shed but my aunt offering her support and saying she felt it for me and wasn't sure how I was going to get through this.
My protectiveness towards Rach was so strong, I kept telling myself it was the right thing she was doing, she was so strong and I admired that. I couldn't stop thinking of all the problems that she had to face from hormones and operations to people accepting her, I just wanted to wrap her up and hold her forever, why do your kids have to grow up?
Later that day I had a message off my cousin, my aunty had rang her very upset. I rang my cousin and apologised as I felt awful leaving my aunty on her own after I had broke the news, again my cousin was supportive. I also told my cousin to read the blog as it will help her to understand exactly what Rach was going through.
One thing that upset me was when people had asked if she knew what she was doing, did they really think she had just woke up one day and decided...This week I shall be a man!
I suppose people just say the first thing they think of, after all what makes me such an expert?
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