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Sunday, 1 January 2012

(33) 21st and hormonal!!

Not been a brill few days. Its been just over a week since the first hormone injection.

Worst nightmare happened as for all FTM's having a monthly brings many anxieties. W's life goes on hold so the run up to his 21st was doomed with misery. W had already been a bit hormonal, emotions all over the place during the week and a painful wisdom tooth making an appearance not a happy household!

To top it off W had a phone call off his dad. Ended in tears and again his dad disowning him and now telling him he was not welcome to use the family caravan which is in Wales.

Basically his dad thinks he should tell his grandad about the changes, W's argument is that if grandad dis owns him who would do his cleaning and shopping as his dad does not even visit him, he has got slight dementia too, awkward one. Also dad then went on about the name change and how it will affect any legal will entitlements he may have, the fact he was trying to discuss my will did not go down very well with W, apparently according to him if I die W becomes homeless, W was trying to explain but his dad hung up. (Ironic as the previous day I had discussed with W about changing his name on my will).

Part of me thinks his dad is trying to make amends and trying to come to terms with the situation. Unfortunately he really doesn't know W that well and approaches him in quite a controlling way so straight away W becomes defensive. At the end of the day it has taken me nearly a year and loads of research to understand all the implications, so one phone call does not make his dad a transsexual expert.

  The day had arrived. I put up blue 21st banners. Cards were opened, W was over the moon only 4 with 'Rachel' written inside were given out of the 21 cards received. One boyfriend, one Son, one pink one and all the rest unisex or boyish. No nephew or cousin ones were received.

Now for the meal. Everything went well then the cake was bought over to the table. We all sang happy birthday I sang 'to W', my elder sister stopped singing she was so uncomfortable she held my gaze so I was unable to see what other people sang but it didn't sound like W. W sat staring at the cake as he had been dreading the birthday song which he told me after.

 I had bought my card at the beginning of November. It was the first card I had bought for him with Son on. To buy that was so distressing it took me about three weeks to get it. I had been looking at 21st cards each time I went into the card shop. One particular day I had looked at Daughter ones and then picked up a Son one, I was overcome with emotions and left the shop. This card buying was on my mind now and I had to make a decision. I had seen a perfect one for him. The next time I went into the shop I just picked up the one I had already seen, switched off my feelings and bought it, I then put it away in the cupboard.

W text his dad to thank him for the card and money, which was given to him at Christmas. His dad never text back, he didn't wish him a happy birthday.

W's emotions were all over the place. It's not the best of days to have a birthday on New Years Eve. W was been torn between his girlfriend and mates as to where to go for the evening, my only advice was to go where he wanted to go, W is constantly compromising, you are only 21 once!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you, it's going to be another interesting and challenging one. xx

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