(83) Actions speak louder than words!!

Matt dropped off a card for Will from Grandad.
Matt was unsure what sort of card it was going to be as Grandad always gets grandson and grandaughter ones. Will speaks to Grandad on the phone but no name is used and Grandad knows its Will and not Matt speaking, that's progress.
On the envelope it had the letter R.
So Will opened it...Result, a lovely card a neutral one, inside it was addressed to 'The Best', and £40 fell out too.
A major step forward and a happy Will; he so adores his Grandad and has been so worried about being rejected.

(82) Little Bro Big Bro

I went Christmas shopping on Saturday with Matt, the annual trek around the Potteries Centre. When I picked him up he said he had to get a pressie for W and a card.  Off we went Matt knew exactly what to get W, then we went into the card shop, it seemed perfectly natural for Matt to get a card with Brother on, no questions or silly comments...It's great to see how Matt has accepted this now.

W has booked yet another holiday for January, he's certainly making up for the ones he missed in his teens, Tenerife this time, jammy thing!!  So pleased that he is doing this.

As things are so normal at the moment I'm not addressing my blog as often. So Happy Christmas to you and yours and all the best for the New Year.

Not long for Charing Cross now!!

(81) My very proud pics

W has just got back from Jamaica and had a fab holiday...Thought I would share with you 2 pics that show what a confident young man he has become and how he is now enjoying life!!

PICTURES REMOVED W IS STEALTH

(80) A Surreal Moment...

Had an awkward moment in the supermarket...
Bumped into an old neighbour who I lived next door but one too when I was married. Not seen her for ten years. I spoke to her and straight away she was asking how I was and how was 'Rach'.
This lady is now 80 and is still a neighbour of my ex husband. One part of me wanted to say, 'who'? I went along with the conversation and said how 'she' was doing really well at Uni and was presently in Jamaica. It's obvious that W's dad never mentions him as he chats with the neighbours all day to pass the time!
It felt surreal...

Not sure if I did the right thing, but felt I needed to protect W from anything negative his dad may have said to the neighbour if she had discussed it with him.
I have told a couple of people now, it would be unfair if they saw W and called him 'Rach' it's all on a, 'who needs to know' basis.

I can fully understand why many Trans people move away.

(79) Result...Appointment has arrived!

Letter arrived in the post this morning. Our long awaited Charing Cross appointment.

Here I was hoping we would possibly have an appointment during the Summer hols as we have been waiting since March, we have been given the 30th January 2014 only 6 more months to wait! At least we have one now.  How busy is that gender clinic?

(78) How long do we have to wait for an appointment?

This is getting ridiculous now. How many phone calls does it take to get our next Charing Cross appointment?  W has rang on numerous occasions, still no appointment.
As I am off for the summer holidays it would be ideal if we had a date within the next few weeks.

 So last Friday I rang them. A very helpful lady took my call, found W on the system and told me she would call me back, I asked her to leave any messages on my answer phone...
Guess what? Yep, no return call and no message on my answer phone. I called back later on in the afternoon, no answer!
(Is there anybody out there that has been treated like this with Charing Cross)?



On a good note, during this beautiful weather we have been sunbathing when possible in the garden. A couple of weekends ago, W was in the garden with me and it was suggested he should take off his top... I felt fine about this and had a chance to see the post op results...Looking very good.
Ever since this it has been normal for W to be himself and not cover up around the house. Another milestone!!

(77) Citalopram...

W has been on a terrible downer of late.
One of the next steps was to come off the anti-depressants, easy? Not!

When Dr Makala changed his medication 3 years ago we hadn't realised that Citalopram was
addictive. So 3 years later W is desperate to come off them, as we know the cause of the depression.
A couple of months back our Dr recommended that he took them every other day and gradually wean off them. W was doing really well so reduced it to every 2 days, then every 3.
A typical W wanting to run before he can walk, I know he is eager to be drug free but a day at a time.
W had become very irate and angry over minor things, nobody could do right for wrong, his anxiety was through the roof and he was desperate for his tablet. So back to the Dr's and he has put him back on them every day, hopefully a lesson learnt and he will do it gradually now.

Another phone call to Charing Cross as we are still awaiting our 2nd appointment, once again he was told he was discharged because he didn't turn up for his last appointment, I think he finally got the message across regarding the mix up of the appointment, I still don't know why they can't give him an appointment over the phone as the diary is right in front of them.

Looking at timescales, we were hoping that major operations would have happened whilst still at Uni, he can still do his studies whilst recovering...Sods law it will all happen when in his 1st work post.

(76) Where has that year gone?

One year anniversary, scary...Time has flown by. To think I was in a hotel room in Brighton trying to suppress my emotions whilst W took another hurdle towards his transition.

Not a lot to post but couldn't let the date pass by without a mention.

Still waiting for the second appointment from Charing Cross, unbelievable.

(75) Face to Face with Grandad...

W eventually arranged to visit Grandad...

Thursday evening W called Grandad to see if he was in so he could go and visit. Grandad answered the phone and for the 1st time didn't call him Matt. So off W went.
I sat at home with no idea what the outcome was going to be, luckily my friend had called round so I had somebody to take my mind off things.
An hour later W returned...
W was happy and chatty, Grandad never mentioned the transition, never mentioned his short hair, which in the past has always told him to grow it, and never mentioned the facial hair. Grandad acted as if he had only seen him a couple of days ago. Throughout his visit Grandad did not refer to a name and only once went to call him Rach but stopped himself.
W was concerned about his overall conversation as he repeated the same topic a couple of times, not sure how his mental health is, but a happy outcome. W is going to start regular visits again so hopefully everything is fine!
We can both breathe a big sigh of relief now.

Picture-Jan 13

(74) Grandad update...

Like I said in my earlier post W has attempted to contact Grandad but he's not been at home. 
W spoke to Matt and Matt told him that Grandad had asked for his number...So last night W decided to ring him. Grandad was in and chatted away like nothing had been said. W has told him he will nip over and show him his new (2nd hand) car he has just had. Wondering now what state of mind Grandad is in, hope when he see's W it's not too much of a shock, it was last December since he actually saw him.

(73) No Response yet!!

Grandad has read the letter as Matt was at his house when he got it with his post last Monday. Grandad made no comment to Matt and wandered off into his garage.
W has rang him a few times at the beginning of the week but no answer and no returned calls. I think W is now delaying calling as he is concerned about being rejected.

On Wednesday W was coming out of the supermarket as his dad was walking in, he did a double look at W and carried on walking. W came home quite upset and told me how he felt. W explained that he doesn't miss the man but really misses having a dad. Quite an emotional week for him on the whole.
How can you walk past your own child? I find that really hard to understand.

Had a good catch up with my eldest sis yesterday, not really discussed W and where we are at for a while. I felt a little emotional discussing it all and telling her about W's dad ignoring him and waiting for grandad's response.

Still waiting for the re-arranged appointment to Charing Cross. Wish it would hurry up, hate to think that W would have graduated and probably be in his first full time job by the time we have any operations and will need a lot of time off, sods law!

(72) It's time we told Grandad...

Not posted anything for a while...Everything is going extremely well, I've got two very handsome young boys.

W should have gone to Charing Cross last week for his second appointment but had to postpone as he is still waiting for pay day, just waiting for a new appointment now. I did offer to lend him some but he refused, he feels very narked about having to go through this whole 'tell me about yourself ' process for the umpteenth time.

W has been looking around local garages to part ex his car. I went with him last week and we were in a garage very close to where his grandad lives. It was going through my mind that if grandad drove past and saw W's bright yellow car he would stop to see him, W has avoided visiting him for a while now, he does ring him to see if he is OK.
I mentioned my concern to W as it would be a very embarrassing situation, W has very dark facial hair and of course his voice is quite deep.
After our chat W suggested that he could send him a letter, this is not the coward's way out but W would be devastated if he disowned him.
So W asked if I could put a letter together for him as he was finding it very difficult.

We put a letter together, very basic explaining that he finds it hard to tell him to his face, also how his dad has disowned him and he hopes he doesn't. We mentioned that he had had medical help etc and he was now living as a man. We finished the letter by saying that I was supporting him and Matt was fine about it all too and he hoped he would give him the chance to talk to him and explain it more in depth. W said he would ring him in a couple of days.
I agreed to push it through the door, easier said than done, whenever the boys ring him he's hardly ever at home...I made 5 journeys to push it through each time he was at home. To get to his door you have to walk up the front garden steps and then directly past his sitting room window so I would have been seen. He has not spoken to me since I left his son 12 years ago and I didn't want to create anymore conflict, he would have been on the phone straight away to W's dad and then he would have been ringing me and telling me to keep of his dad's property, mmm lovely family!!
Today I had a brainwave, I asked my nephew to push it through, grandad would have thought it was a kid posting leaflets if he saw him, so now the deed has been done, we'll sit back and wait for the fireworks or the happy ending!

(71) Will is in a perfect place...

Met up with the girls last night, during the evening they always ask how W is.  They were astounded with W's confidence and new life and very impressed with recent pictures they had seen!
After reflecting on this chat I thought I would share with you...

W joined a gym a few weeks ago, he not only uses the machines but he regularly goes swimming. Wow, what confidence he has now. W has always enjoyed swimming from a very young age, this stopped at around age 15. I hadn't thought there were any issues at the time as he had other interests which he was involved with.
W has just come back from Tunisia, again he has enjoyed his first holiday as a male, therefore lazing around the pool in just his shorts and taking a dip when he wanted to, also making new friends in the hotel and been accepted 100% in the male world.

W is definitely in a perfect place. W is in the body he should have been born in, to see the growing confidence is worth the heartache we have been through.

A little note to anybody out there going through this:-

'If this is the right thing for you, don't let anybody stop you. Go with your dream to be the person you should be, live your life as you only get one, hold your head up and be you'!!

(70) Happy New Year

We've come a long way this last year and I'm so proud of how we have got here and we are smiling!!

Had a great Christmas, very positive and 'normal'.
I bought an electric shaver for W for his main pressie, got this with ease and he was over the moon.
All Christmas cards were addressed with W's name, just one from grandad which had grandaughter on it, W put this up in the dining room.
No card or pressie from his dad and Matt didn't attempt to get him to go around the house to see him. It appears final now that he has cut him out of his life as he sent no birthday card either the following week.  W is fine about it but I can't help thinking what he feels deep inside.

I missed W's birthday as I was in Tenerife for the new year, it felt strange leaving him and I missed him...Have to keep reminding myself he is now 22!!
Was good to see blue cards and he even had 2 nephew cards this year. Grandad had forgotten which saved on the embarrasment of a solitary pink card.


Was sad to read that Richard Curtis is under investigation. I wish him all the best in fighting this witch hunt, I only have praise for his conduct and professionalism.