Brighton trip came around quite quickly.
I have mixed feelings, I really want to be a part of W's celebrations as I'm sure he wants to be cracking open the champagne but something inside will not let me share.
We got to the hospital and were taken into Mr Yellands consulting room, the nurse was with us too. Mr Yelland asked W to lie on the bed, I didn't really want to watch this procedure but as the nurse only pulled the curtain part way I had no option. So within 10 mins W had no dressings or staples in, just a bruised and slightly swollen chest.
It was there now in front of me, W now has no breasts but a flat chest with restructured nipples...Mr Yelland has done a fabulous job and W is over the moon.
I have had no time on my own since the operation so I have constantly being hiding my feelings, not had the chance to have a cry to release these emotions.
I really don't know how I am suppose to be feeling, should I be as happy for W or am I allowed to feel a little down in the dumps? Emotions I hate them!
At work I am very lucky to have such caring colleagues, only problem when they ask how I am I break down and they hug me and make me worse...Like I have said before I am the one usually giving emotional support and I find it difficult to receive.
Everybody has gone quiet now, the first 3 days my phone was manic I now feel that not many people care. Hopefully I will hear from Dr Johnson soon that should put me on track, I really need a big kick up the bum but I also need time to grieve for my little girl.
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