(72) It's time we told Grandad...

Not posted anything for a while...Everything is going extremely well, I've got two very handsome young boys.

W should have gone to Charing Cross last week for his second appointment but had to postpone as he is still waiting for pay day, just waiting for a new appointment now. I did offer to lend him some but he refused, he feels very narked about having to go through this whole 'tell me about yourself ' process for the umpteenth time.

W has been looking around local garages to part ex his car. I went with him last week and we were in a garage very close to where his grandad lives. It was going through my mind that if grandad drove past and saw W's bright yellow car he would stop to see him, W has avoided visiting him for a while now, he does ring him to see if he is OK.
I mentioned my concern to W as it would be a very embarrassing situation, W has very dark facial hair and of course his voice is quite deep.
After our chat W suggested that he could send him a letter, this is not the coward's way out but W would be devastated if he disowned him.
So W asked if I could put a letter together for him as he was finding it very difficult.

We put a letter together, very basic explaining that he finds it hard to tell him to his face, also how his dad has disowned him and he hopes he doesn't. We mentioned that he had had medical help etc and he was now living as a man. We finished the letter by saying that I was supporting him and Matt was fine about it all too and he hoped he would give him the chance to talk to him and explain it more in depth. W said he would ring him in a couple of days.
I agreed to push it through the door, easier said than done, whenever the boys ring him he's hardly ever at home...I made 5 journeys to push it through each time he was at home. To get to his door you have to walk up the front garden steps and then directly past his sitting room window so I would have been seen. He has not spoken to me since I left his son 12 years ago and I didn't want to create anymore conflict, he would have been on the phone straight away to W's dad and then he would have been ringing me and telling me to keep of his dad's property, mmm lovely family!!
Today I had a brainwave, I asked my nephew to push it through, grandad would have thought it was a kid posting leaflets if he saw him, so now the deed has been done, we'll sit back and wait for the fireworks or the happy ending!

(71) Will is in a perfect place...

Met up with the girls last night, during the evening they always ask how W is.  They were astounded with W's confidence and new life and very impressed with recent pictures they had seen!
After reflecting on this chat I thought I would share with you...

W joined a gym a few weeks ago, he not only uses the machines but he regularly goes swimming. Wow, what confidence he has now. W has always enjoyed swimming from a very young age, this stopped at around age 15. I hadn't thought there were any issues at the time as he had other interests which he was involved with.
W has just come back from Tunisia, again he has enjoyed his first holiday as a male, therefore lazing around the pool in just his shorts and taking a dip when he wanted to, also making new friends in the hotel and been accepted 100% in the male world.

W is definitely in a perfect place. W is in the body he should have been born in, to see the growing confidence is worth the heartache we have been through.

A little note to anybody out there going through this:-

'If this is the right thing for you, don't let anybody stop you. Go with your dream to be the person you should be, live your life as you only get one, hold your head up and be you'!!

(70) Happy New Year

We've come a long way this last year and I'm so proud of how we have got here and we are smiling!!

Had a great Christmas, very positive and 'normal'.
I bought an electric shaver for W for his main pressie, got this with ease and he was over the moon.
All Christmas cards were addressed with W's name, just one from grandad which had grandaughter on it, W put this up in the dining room.
No card or pressie from his dad and Matt didn't attempt to get him to go around the house to see him. It appears final now that he has cut him out of his life as he sent no birthday card either the following week.  W is fine about it but I can't help thinking what he feels deep inside.

I missed W's birthday as I was in Tenerife for the new year, it felt strange leaving him and I missed him...Have to keep reminding myself he is now 22!!
Was good to see blue cards and he even had 2 nephew cards this year. Grandad had forgotten which saved on the embarrasment of a solitary pink card.


Was sad to read that Richard Curtis is under investigation. I wish him all the best in fighting this witch hunt, I only have praise for his conduct and professionalism.

(69) Who cares anymore?

How weeks fly by, to think that this time last week we were in London...
Everything is so positive but unfortunately I need to have a moan!!
Not one person , well, family member has asked how we went on with the appointment. I had told my family the week before we had this appointment and explained it was all about the next stage of surgery etc, my sis who I don't see that often reads my blog.
I have spoken to my sister's over the phone but they never asked how it went and I chose not to mention it. Even worse my brother rang me as we were leaving London. W took the call but he acted as if it was the norm me taking a day off work to spend it in London, when I called him back he never asked why I had been there.

Thank goodness for my friends and work colleagues, I received lots of encouraging and supportive text messages and phone calls.

Rant over!

Life is a parallel universe I don't think that it will ever be any different.

(68) Now in the NHS loop...

Appointment at Charing cross gender clinic...
Very easy to find straight off the underground at Hammersmith and a 5 minute walk.
The clinic was discreetly located above Sainsbury's.

We were a little early but that gave us a chance to chill after the long journey.
There were more FTM's at this clinic, I have only met MTF's on previous visits to Richard Curtis's clinic.

W was called in for his appointment more or less bang on time which is very good for the NHS!
I went in with him, the psychiatrist Sharmini Rajenthran, double checked with W and said it would become personal at times, W agreed that he wanted me in with him.

One hour 15 minutes later, we had totally repeated his life story. We have done this for the third time now...Dr Makala, Richard Curtis and now Sharmini Rajenthran ... don't these professionals share W's notes?
So surprise, surprise W has to go back at the end of March to once again tell his life story too another gender professional. This appointment is with James Barrett.
A blood test has to be done too, this is to check hormone levels and liver, kidney function.
Afterwards a decision will be made to see if W fits the criteria for surgery and then we have the battle of applying for the funding.

I am so glad that W was able to fund his hormones and top surgery, to think that you have years on the NHS before anything is done and having to live in a body you despise.
I don't know where W would have been mentally if he was still binding and his voice hadn't deepened.

So here we are on the next part of this wonderful journey!!

(67) Friday appointment - Charing Cross.

This Friday off we go to Charing Cross...Well, not actually the hospital building but the gender clinic which is situated above Sainsbury's on the next corner, really hoping it is a discreet building and hasn't got gender clinic plastered around it.
Have mapped the route and times and appears quite easy to get too off the underground.

As W has been waiting over a year or more for this appointment and due to their incompetence of  not sending an appointment, I am hoping that things move quite quickly now.

I am expecting a referral on Friday and hopefully a time scale for the reconstructive surgery. As W is 12 months into hormones and 6 months post top surgery they can not argue his decision to go ahead.  W is positively male now, I think he has grown the facial hair especially for this appointment... 

W did think I was having a joke and I wasn't serious about my expectations, he tells me that he will have to have at least 3 more consultations to convince them and then he doesn't expect to have surgery within the next 3years. Really hope it's him that is joking, surely they should be moving this completion on now so that W can get on with his life.

All in all a very settled time nothing to report on.
I have a very happy, growing, masculine, deep voiced  son.

(66) Boys V Girls

Had a couple of odd conversations recently...

Spoke with my nephews other half who I have only met a couple of times. Conversation got onto children, she compared her son with her daughter and told me how different girls were. W was with me at the time and she said I was lucky to have two boys as girls are a handful!!

Second conversation exactly the same, again a comparison between sons and daughters.
I feel like shouting out 'Yes I know, I had a daughter for 19 years'.

Matt in a dilemma at the moment.
Matt has introduced W as his brother to his girlfriend and not said anything about the transition.
Confusion when they are with his dad. As dad refers to W as 'Rach'. This has happened a couple of times so his girlfriend has questioned it, wondering if he has a sister somewhere.
Matt brushed it off and told her it was a tale for some other time.
So, this weekend was the some other time!!
Matt's girlfriend had stayed over at his dads after spending the evening with me. As usual Matt is questioned about 'Rach'.  Matt was asked again who was 'Rach', so he has explained briefly what W has chosen to do and exactly how is dad reacted, hence W not talked about.
Conversation went well and he still has a relationship!

Quite a difficult situation as W wants to be stealth, small world as a couple of more people now know and who do they know?

On the whole W is in a fantastic place at the moment, happy, bubbly and working his socks off at Uni.
I am really lucky and proud to have two beautiful, healthy children who are doing so well in life.