(101) How time flies!

W has just informed me that three years ago we were in London...It was his first testosterone injection.
Can't believe three years have gone by since that day.
I have just looked back at my blog entries, wow, how far have we come!!

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and a great 2015.

(100) Hair removal appointment

W had his first consultation at the designated NHS funded hair removal clinic, he chose to go to Altrincham as that was the closest to home.

W has now had the skin test for two types of laser as that's what he feels more comfortable with, he thought electrolysis would  be more painful and time consuming!
The whole process will take at least 8 months as he can have one session per month.  It was quite painful so he's not looking forward to this at all...Another long road and it is now going to run into his teaching practice year, thank goodness for the regular holidays he will have!!

He is off to Mexico in the new year so the last bit of sun on his arm for a while.

Happy Christmas to you all and all the best for the New Year x

(99)... Hair removal

Long awaited answer arrived in the post today!

After W had yet another appointment with the family Dr to sort the hair removal, the Dr contacted the  NHS trust.
We now have a list of hair removal therapists to choose from. Decision is does he have hair laser removal or electrolysis?
Just need to choose the closest one and sort an appointment now and get it started asap so the next op can be done.

(98) Hair removal, who does it?

W has settled back into work and is getting ready for University next week.   Occupational health suggested he did alternate days but instead he has being doing a straight 3-4 day week.  W is also coping well with his Citalopram, the Dr has now reduced the mg dose and he takes it every 24/48hrs depending on how he is feeling.

We have asked for the next operation to be booked for the middle of December but until the hair removal has been done we are at a stand still.  Why is nothing straightforward, we have spoken to the family Dr, the surgeon and Charing Cross but no joy, we are been sent from pillar to post.
I emailed a private clinic at the beginning of the week to see if they could advise us, but they have never had referrals from the NHS, and if Will went there they do one session a month and it would take 12 months to complete!! 
The latest advice which was from our Dr today was for W to write to the Funding Request Panel.  We did expect this to be part of the operation process and to be straightforward, I hope it doesn't set everything back too much, we need everything very much complete by Sept 15!

(97) 72 days post op...

Today W has been discharged, the district nurse came and signed him off.  Hopefully he  may go back to work on Monday, he does have 2 more weeks on his sick note but I'm sure the Dr will sign him off.

After been away for three weeks I noticed a massive improvement on my return, was lovely to see after all of the worry he has given me!
The wounds have nearly healed over just a couple of areas to go but no dressings now.

Hopefully he will be able to sort his next operation now he has recovered.

(96) 40 days post op...

40 days on, infection has now gone after a strong course of antibiotics.  Wounds are still quite red and angry looking, the internal stitches are still protruding, they may be removed this week as Mr Christopher did suggest to give them a couple of weeks, the nurse is coming in every other day.  A different nurse came in on Monday and did a swab as she was concerned about one of the wounds, luckily no infection!
W is still unable to drive, hopefully this week we will see a big improvement and get some independence back.  Mobility wise that is improving now although he is on stronger prescription painkillers for the pain in his feet.

Laura the district nurse who has been with W 90% of the time since he came out of hospital, has now gone onto maternity leave, it's a shame that she will not see W progress, hopefully she will be back when he has his next op, she had built a fabulous, positive relationship with W, sharing a joke and putting up with W's flirty manner.  It was also her first phalloplasty patient as it was with the others who have done his dressings.

On a more humorous note,  the best quote off  the nurses as they see the result of the phalloplasty is 'wow, that's amazing'.  It puts a smile on W's face, not many men can say they get that reaction!!
W is in daily contact with Codey, a brilliant supportive friendship even though they are a couple of hundred miles apart.

(95) 30 days post op...

 W now has 5 openings 4 along the abdomen incision and 1 just above the penis.  The original opening which was only a couple of millimetres in size is now 2.5cm by 3.7cm! They are very sore and are causing him great discomfort. The nurse still comes in on a daily basis to dress them each day.  Yesterday she was not happy as they had deteriorated over the weekend so W had to go to see the Dr today.  S was able to take the day off and take him, the Dr is not concerned and said they will heal in their own time.  The internal stitches are now showing.  W has sent the pics direct to the surgeon to get his opinion.  Seems a very long healing process and W is becoming more depressed.

The hole to the left is the original opening where the fluid made its escape! Another opening to the right of that has appeared, you can see the internal stitches.

(94) London check up

W had a follow up appointment on Thursday at Harley Street clinic in London to see Sarah the nurse.
I had been longing for this appointment so Sarah could actually see the wounds which were not healing, W had been emailing her regular pictures.  The main wound was now 2.5cm by 2.5cm, this was originally 2mm when the leakage had started, there were now 3 wounds which were been dressed by the district nurse who is still coming in daily.
Sarah examined the wounds and was happy with the result she redressed them and told W that the district nurse was doing everything correct, he was also told to have a hot bath in salt water and leave the wounds exposed for an hour before the nurse came to do the dressings.  Appointment lasted for around 15 minutes, such a long journey for a short consultation. Sarah said to see her in 3 months.

Friday the nurse came and told W that the swab she took on Monday was positive and he now had an infection, a course of antibiotics it is.  W became very depressed with this news as he feels he is not getting anywhere with the healing process at the minute.

Grandads funeral was last Wednesday, I am very proud of W for holding his head up and facing his dad.  W was very drunk at the end of the day, he had spent it in the pub with his dad and Matthew, his dad was buying him more drink than he could take. 
W has no intention of trying to build this relationship with dad but at least he has now seen him as a male and hopefully will treat him with respect if he should see him.

(93) Stitches removed + update

W had the stitches removed this afternoon, 5.30 appointment and they were done by 6.20! It took two nurses to remove them all, he had to have a dressing on as some areas were a little raw looking as the stitches were quite deep in places.

Still having the abdomen wound dressed, the district nurse is coming in on a daily basis to re dress it, still leaking quite a bit, it has now been packed.
The district nurse is lovely, had a fabulous chat about the transition, she explained that W is her 1st phalloplasty patient and hopes to be his district nurse for all the operations and what a positive experience it has been for her and how she could never imagine W as anything but the man he is.

We have a follow up appointment at Harley St on Thursday, I have mentioned to W about arranging the next op but at this moment in time he's not emotionally ready to plan anything, hopefully op 2 will be at the end of the year.

W is feeling a bit depressed now, I feel awful when I close the front door in a morning knowing that he is on his own until I get home, it'll be better when he can drive again or is more mobile.
I'll be glad when he has got his grandads funeral over with, its this Wednesday.  At least he's had no grief off his dad.

I have put my complaint in regards the paramedics!

(92) What a nightmare of a night...

Staples were taken out at midday and the district nurse said that the swelling was normal so no concerns, the wound was left uncovered.  At 2pm W noticed that blood was seeping through so he put on a pad  to absorb it.
At 12.50am I was woken with W shouting me.  I went to him and he was soaked in the blood stained fluid which had come through a slight gap between where the staples had been and some stitches.  I cleaned him up, I was just about to put another dressing on when a gush of this fluid shot out all over him, I sorted this the best I could and got him to stay on his side. I called the out of hours district nurse and was advised to call the paramedics.  Paramedics arrived about 15 minutes later. I had already explained to the operator what was wrong and that W was recovering from a hysterectomy and phalloplasty and the bleed was from the incision across his abdomen.The manner of one of the paramedics was disgusting, as he came into my home I was directing him to W's room, he was asking me what was wrong, I explained that it was a bleed etc, he then asked what operation he had had, do these operators not inform the paramedics? He very rudely said, a hysterectomy? I have never heard of a bloke having a hysterectomy! I was mortified, he walked into W asking him what was this all about a man having a hysterectomy, I was dumbfounded and speechless, I felt like I would burst into tears at any moment. I managed to say that he was having gender re-assignment surgery, not that it had anything to do with them! When they tried to get W up he only had a t shirt on, so was conscious that a) I was there b) they were standing extremely close to him.  As he stood up he moved to the side to keep his dignity and the ignorant paramedic said, "Don't be shy". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, poor W they were invading his privacy, it was so obvious this was a first for them!
Off we go in the ambulance, half way up our street W notified the paramedic that the doors were not shut properly, was this a sketch for a comic strip? The driving ignorant paramedic had not even heard the door open alarm going off.
At the hospital, it was extremely quiet, 3 hours later and a nurse came to give W a gown. W asked to go to the toilet, they supplied him with a bottle, how humiliating, W was determined to pee in this bottle if it was the last thing he did.
Eventually we were seen by a doctor, a lovely understanding doctor, but once again we had to tell 'the story'. This doctor was unsure what to advise and did suggest maybe he would have to go into surgery, over my dead body, I would drive W to London first! A second doctor came, prodded around and said he would get a nurse to pad it, go home and return to your own surgery for clean dressings.
Arrived home just after 5am, cleaned up the mess in the bedroom, scrubbed his mattress made his bed, put the bedding in the washing machine, text my colleagues to explain I would be in later, left a message on the school answer phone and tried to get some sleep, no chance, good job I love my son!

(91) Home at last...

I was met by Matt who informed me that grandad had been taken in to hospital with pneumonia, that spooked me a bit due to W asking if I had rang him.
I decided not to tell W that grandad was ill as he had to concentrate on getting himself better.
I was ringing the hospital every day morning and night, each time it was the same answer, W is stable.
W returned to the original room on the Thursday, they had stopped giving him plasma but he was on constant oxygen. At least now W could text me and I could ring him. I managed to complete Thursday and Friday at work, don't know how I did it but I did.

At this stage W is catheterised and has 2 drains in plus a line in his neck, they had removed the tube from his throat before I left on the Wednesday, that was a bile tube.
We still didn't know when he would be home. On the Saturday off I went to London with S to visit him.
He looked so much better since I left him on the Wednesday so that put my mind at rest. He desperately wanted me to wash his hair, until the neck line was out we weren't allowed. Whilst we were there they came and took it out, so shave and hair wash he was feeling 10 times better. The physio, Diane had been coming to him about 4 times a day, she was a fantastic person and W got on very well with her even though she was going to cause him pain!! He was walking about a little but it was the fact he had to carry the drain and the catheter that put him off!  We left at about 9pm but again not knowing when he would be discharged, also S had booked 4 days off the following week to look after him.
Sunday morning Matt rang me very upset, grandad was very ill he had multiple-organ shut down and may only live for 48 hours, Matt thought I was still in London so I could tell W.  Dilemma, W was on his own and a bit depressed now, Codey had gone home so who would be there for him if I told him over the phone?  I decided not to tell and just hope he would be home before anything happened. They removed the catheter and one drain, they said if he had less than 50ml on the Monday morning they would take it out, when I rang him they had 90ml so it had to stay in.
Tuesday morning W rang me at 8am, very excited, could I come and pick him up, they had removed the last drain, he was still bleeding slightly but they said no concern his body would absorb it but if his stomach swelled like he was pregnant then we had to return to have it syringed.  I had just parked my car at work, a quick conversation with my boss and I was on my way home waiting for S so we could go. I rang Matt and he said there was no change in grandad, fingers crossed. I just needed to get him home so I could break the news and he could visit him later. We arrived at the hospital around 1.30.  W was more mobile than I expected so we drove to Stanmore tube station and it's a straight through tube to St Johns Wood. We collected his stuff and made the journey back, got on the M1 and my sat nav stating an expected arrival home at 5.30pm. I could breathe a sigh of relief at least this bit was going to plan, he could see grandad.
Not to be, 10 minutes driving and the M1 was at a standstill it was shut in both directions a fatal crash, people walking up and down the motorway.  Thank goodness for the sat nav, we eventually got off luckily we were very close to an exit. A detour and an extra hour and a half on the journey, we would be home.  Eventually we got home, W was very agitated not a great journey when you are in pain and discomfort.
Now to break the news, next thing I am driving him to the hospital to visit grandad, Matt met him there, I was very concerned as his dad was there too, I sat and waited on the car park, about 50 minutes later W came out. Dad was OK with him, he just talked about grandad, he didn't have a clue that W had just come out of hospital. W went to the hospital with S on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday at least a couple of times a day, sadly he died this morning, but W is at peace that he did see him.

W has the staples out tomorrow, as of yet I have not seen any of the result, not sure if he will show me, he has the stitches out a week on Monday. All in all W quite mobile, there is a slight swelling in the stomach, we have spoken to Mr Christopher he has suggested he makes an appointment and pops down to have a syringe in, we will see what the district nurse suggests tomorrow, hopefully she may be able to do it.
What a fortnight I am exhausted my feet haven't touched the ground, this is the first chance I have had to update my blog.

(90) Hospital...

Not sure where to start with this post, I'll keep it short and simple...

Plan was, arrive Sunday at St John's and St Elizabeth's hospital, admit Will at 6pm, operation 8am Monday, come home Tuesday evening, drive back on Friday to bring W home - jobs a good 'un!!

What actually happened...
Sunday admission went to plan, my hotel was perfect, very bog standard but excellent location for a lone women to be walking late at night and a simple tube ride away.

Monday I arrived at the hospital at 7am, W was taken down to theatre at 8.40am. During this time I sat with Codey, a friend W had made through a forum he is on, Codey was back in due to a severe infection from his surgery, this didn't help with my fear for W.  I then wandered around London to pass the time, when I returned W was not yet back from surgery. W arrived back at 2.10pm, totally out of it.
W was still knock out late afternoon, I was getting concerned but was told not to worry, he was still asleep and had only opened his eyes a couple of times and mumbled.  At around 8pm I told the nurse I didn't like his colour, his lips were white, they informed me his blood pressure was low and his pulse rate high, they did an ECG, was told nothing to worry about he had had a lot of anaesthetic.
I returned to my hotel just after 10pm, thinking a good night sleep for W and he will be chatty and full of life in the morning, after all he was in good hands!

Tuesday, I telephoned the hospital and was told W was comfortable and had had a good night. I stayed and had a breakfast and chatted to tourists in the hotel, I then checked out and returned to the hospital at around 10am.
I was met with somebody telling me the nurse and Mr Christopher were looking for me, they then appeared on the corridor. I was told that W had lost a lot of blood during the night and they had given him 3 pints, Mr Christopher then discussed that he was bleeding internally and he was going back in to surgery to be opened up to see where the bleeding was coming from.
Another 3 hours in surgery, Mr Christopher came to me and said they had given W a transfusion, the bleed was an ooze coming from where they had removed the uterus. I was then told W would be in the High Dependency Unit for the next 24 hours. Hospital staff were fantastic they found me a room so I could stay overnight.
The next few hours are a blank, W was bought into the unit, tubes coming out of everywhere he was still out of it.
After a while he began to come around but he was very tired and exhausted, the tube down his throat was causing him grief so he was not able to say much. his first words were, have you rang my grandad, a little later he was asking the nurses, have I still got my willy!!
The next few hours he was coming around a bit more the nurses and doctors were excellent keeping me informed of everything they were doing.
Wednesday, W was stable they were now sorting the plasma and other technical blood things out to get the blood to clot. Mr Christopher had come to see him and was happy with the recovery.
My nightmare, I had to return home on the Wednesday evening. Saying goodbye to W was one of the most difficult things I had to do, they couldn't tell me when he would be coming home, luckily he had Codey to talk to, so off I went on the 9pm train and was met by my other son at the other end...

(89) All sorted hopefully!

Spent the last few days trying to sort a cheap hotel/hostel/B&B close to the hospital... The internet is fab but what a minefield.

Hotels close by were a ridiculous price, refuse to pay £200+ for a bed for two nights,the hostels were mixed beds only, if I was with somebody that would have been fine. My other problem was I will be on my own walking back to the hotel late at night, yes I am a wuss, so the location had to be literally by the underground!

Sorted...I have got one right next to Wembley underground, just a 20 min train ride from the hospital and £100.

Train tickets are cheap as we can travel off peak for once so they are all booked.

S unable to get holiday leave but now sorted, my friend Ruth will come and stay so at least I will be at peace when I'm at work.

Just got to get through the trauma of it now!

(88) Operation date confirmed...

Operation number 1 of 4 is on 16th June, how quick is that?

W has to be admitted on the Sunday and the operation takes place on the Monday, with a 5 night stay.
Operation is at St John and St Elizabeth hospital in St John's Wood, London.

Emotions had been all over the place at the beginning of the week, I think it had finally sunk in just what W was putting himself through and as a mum you feel all the pain!! So when W text me on Wednesday to say he had received the operation date it stopped me in my tracks...I'm fine at the moment, had a good heart to heart with the girls last night.

We have planned what we are going to do. I will be taking him then staying for a couple of days before collecting him on the Friday. Financially I can't afford to lose any income as W is going to be off work for a number of weeks and having no income at all. I will have 3 days compassionate leave, which I can't grumble my boss has been great during the past 3 years. 
Emotionally this is going to be a traumatic time for me, it will be awful leaving him there. W's girlfriend is having the following week off to nurse him at home, then it will be whoever is available to call in and help him to the loo and see that he is OK.


Looking for a cheap hotel/hostel at the minute, any recommendations would be appreciated.

(87) Dr Christopher, next step...

Rail strike was cancelled so off we went.
Arrived at the clinic in Harley St with time to spare, filled in the registration form and went in bang on time.

Quite head mashing if I am honest, Dr Christopher was very informative and clear about the whole process but such a lot to take in.
Four operations to go through, my main concern is the scarring from the skin grafts.  I hadn't realised just how deep they remove the skin, but like he explained the graft has to have veins, blood vessels and a nerve!
We were shown very graphic pics of the whole process, good job I'm not too tickled stomach they were very bloody and one showed the skin graft been held up like a large piece of meat, yuk!

Overall the scars will fade and W should have hair growth to cover them up. A sleeve tattoo was discussed, fab option but as W is going into teaching he feels its not appropriate, although he would love to have one, its bad enough with his part time job at Alton Towers the small ones he has, have to be covered.

So four operations, first one should happen within three months -
Laser treatment must start asap to remove hair from inner arm.
(1) Hysterectomy and the lower stomach cut away to create a penis.
(2) Skin graft from inner arm to create urethra tube and silicon testicle implant.
(3) Connection of urethra, vaginectomy and cosmetic work to penis.
(4) Erectile device.

Lots of recovery time after each operation, looks like mum will be playing nurse once again.

Hopefully we should have the date of the first operation later on this week, they will try to fit around us with work and university commitments.

Can't explain how I am feeling, not really had the chance to sit and think in depth, is it really happening to me!!?

Watch this space...

(86) Appointment with Dr Christopher.

(Appointment no 1)

The appointment to see Dr Christopher is for May 7th at 12.30 at the Harley St clinic.

W had not told me it had arrived he was hoping he could go alone but a couple of days ago I asked if he had heard anything from the hospital.  W had rang them as on a forum he is on somebody told him he had to ring for the appointment.

W is rather anxious about this appointment and explained to me he will find it very embarrassing me being there, as they are going to be discussing his surgery and talking about the penis in great detail.
I did feel a little upset as I have stood by him all the way and how could he be embarrassed after coming this far. I need to be there so I can ask questions and understand the procedures he is to go through. I will be by his side...

Tube strikes are allocated for the day we are to go, we have rang the clinic to explain our difficulty in getting there if they go ahead, next appointment will be July time, fingers crossed the strike will be off, so need to get this surgery underway.

W has had excruciating abdomen pain off and on over the last two weeks.  He was in terrible pain on his way home from work last Saturday, as soon as he got home he asked me to drop him off at A & E, he spent 3 hours there, the Dr suggested it may be gall stones. Off to the family Dr today, a blood test and a very embarrassing internal as our Dr thinks it may be ovary related, just waiting for a scan now, on a plus side this may speed up a hysterectomy!

(85) Definitely in the system now...

W received a copy of the letter that James Barrett has forwarded to his Dr and Mr Christopher in the London team.

It clearly states that W has fulfilled all criteria from the Gender Identity Clinic, his diagnosis is primary transsexualism and he would benefit from surgery. He has now discharged us from Charing Cross as it says, 'W's life is very much in order', and asked that he is sent an appointment for his referral for his opinion for phalloplasty surgery.

Thank you James Barrett.
Another chapter begins...

(84) Charing Cross...Result

After the long awaited for appointment we now have the go ahead for surgery!

A very positive appointment with James Barrett at Charing Cross.  We expected a meeting where W would have to repeat his life story.  James Barrett had a lovely manner and a great sense of humour.  He asked some questions, some quite odd but he explained the reason why.  After about 45 minutes he asked W what did he want from this appointment, he didn't have to ask twice!  So we are now awaiting the appointment for the surgery to begin!  Result.

One very happy W so it was a pint of strongbow in The Trout at Hammersmith tube station and a coffee for me as I had to do the drive back home!

I have come so far, who would have thought 3 years ago that I would be happy with this news.