(61)...Another week has passed by.

W has coped very well at work, first week back done, no aches or pains just soaking wet every night when he got in!! To think this time last year he was in agony with constant daily binding for hours.

Saw my eldest sister on Tuesday evening first time since the operation, went to visit with my aunt and elder sis, was good to get out too.  Not much was said at all which surprised me, obviously she asked how W was and that was it, no mention of the operation.
I expect everybody thinks I am ok now, as it has been a few weeks now, and it becomes less spoken about, I wish it was that easy. Still on my parallel universe.

Dr Matt Johnson came into school on Wednesday.  I still feel odd sitting in a chair and listening to given advice he was very understanding, he put things into perspective and made it all feel right to feel like I still do. Was really good to talk to somebody, I had a lot to get off my chest and needed reassurance that these feelings and thoughts were the the norm, I was emotional. I'm still in this bereavement zone. I keep going over in my head when they wheeled him down to theatre, it's such a vivid image... I have a very happy, healthy child, so why?
He had no magic wand but told me to spoil myself during the summer break and to put myself first as I have wrapped myself up with work in order to cope and have burnt myself out hence my low emotional state at present.  Whilst chatting I realised that I have W as a 21 year old going through puberty but acting like a 13year old boy, quite a mummy's boy and loving it, not complaining as I missed out on Matt and I am in my element looking after him.
I spoke about the blog and how it has helped us both, he did suggest that I should think seriously about having them both published as there is a gap with support.

A colleague called round last night, he did say he didn't realise it was W who had opened the door until we started chatting, he welcomed him to manhood and told him he was looking good! People are noticing the changes with him now, not just the voice but his face has altered. W has grown a little taller. we have marked his height on the kitchen door but he has only grown an inch he appears to be catching me up now!

Matt bought me back down to earth, he had a speeding fine this week, last week he was caught without his seat belt on, mmm kids!

(60) Back 2 work

W is back to work tomorrow, I am going to miss him.
I have got quite used to him being around the house, especially when I come home from work. Work has been tough going and W being at home has given me somebody to moan too!

I read W's latest blog update, these blog entries have kept us both sane. We have many unspoken thoughts and feelings but writing them in the blog keeps us both up to date with each others emotions.

The psychologist came into school to arrange our first meeting, this Wednesday at lunctime. I felt a bit choked when he spoke to me, hopefully it will get me back on track.

I went to visit a new addition to my evergrowing family the other evening, my older sister Jan picked me up. She always asks how everybody is, I cringed when she asked how 'Rach' was, I don't think she will ever refer to him as anything else.

(59) Update...

W is still off work, considering going back as he really doesn't cope with being at home all day on his own, he can lift his arms a lot more now and is driving.
I am feeling less emotional now have been extremely busy with work and have had the chance to get out and about more with friends which has done me good.
I am talking about it without breaking down as much still getting a little choked but all ok.

My biggest concern is that I haven't asked to see the scars to check how it's healing, not seen it since the staples were removed so feeling like a terrible mum, this upsets me as I know if it was an appendix operation for example I would be checking the healing everyday!!
Spoke to Julia at school today and raised this concern, she told me it is normal as I am there for W and he knows that, just to take each day in my stride. Not heard off Dr Johnson as yet, my head teacher has asked that he gets in touch with me.